Oh, GOD, why did I come to live here?
by dark-fire29
Summary: Jack...a city boy has moved to Flowerbud...hoping to achieve success, will he? Will he meet the girl he met as a child? Will he ever fulfil his dream to get a cow?
1. How it happened

Ok, so this is my first ever fanfic, so please, if you criticise, construct...  
  
This may really be annoying, but......bare with me....I have hm for girl, snes, btn, 64, hm1(gb), hm3(gbc), and i am sooo soon to getting the gamecube one...  
  
Here goes...(its a mixture if all the games i have...i guess)  
  
-- INTRO  
  
In the Black Star Farm's little cabin, three men are talking....  
  
"...i dunno whther he's up to it...he still is very young....."  
  
"....oh, come off it, Thomas!!...You're mayor, gotta want Flowerbud to prosper!"  
  
The man called Thomas was a plump little man, he even wore a red tophat....the mayor replied to the tall, built-looking man..  
  
"Zack, we do not have control over the kid, eversince his grandfather died, he's been--" Thomas twirled his finger around his ear and whistled..  
  
He continued..."But I guess I can't complain, I'm a fat little gay man meself.." He gave a quick little chortle.  
  
"...So, how 'bout leaving Jack with us?" Zack said, his face looking very straight..  
  
"well, I don't really care meself, either...suuure his me son, but pbbblllttt..." Jack's father blew a raspberry...  
  
"Then it's settled, Jack is to work in Flowerbud...!!!" Thomas proclaimed.  
  
"TEAM HAND TOPPLE!!!" Zack added as he put his fist in front of the others...  
  
.......And that was how it began......  
  
--WRITERS NOTE  
  
"Please, I know this is a sucky start, but I can't type much at the moment...."  
  
"Next is the beginning.....It may take a while, but...."  
  
"Well.....seeyallz! :)" 


	2. The Beginning

ok, i just couldnt stand giving myself the suspense.....i forgot to tell that its btn map..and peeps...  
  
--THE BEGINNING.......(where it ALL went wrong)  
  
biCock-a-doodle-doooooooooooooo-da...i/b/  
  
iUgh..... what the f-? Morning already? But it's just...10 AM!!!??? How-bu-why? I didn't drink, nor meet someone....i/  
  
Might as well get up.......  
  
Jack got up slowly and got dressed by the time he got out of the house, it was only 10.10. Jack was just standing outside his house on Spring the 2nd...Quite a warm day.....  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
after 10 minutes, he decided to go and see the townspeople...Straight out of the farm, he turned right...where he saw a ma-was that a woman? Since Jack didn't know, he slowly back away and ran to the Mayors' house, without knowing it..  
  
--WRITERS NOTE.  
  
"Well, I'm really going now......sorry for the cliffhanger...."  
  
"Uhmmm, I have a poll, for the review, just pick one..."  
  
"What happens when Jack arrives in the house?  
  
A) Thomas inquires why Jack didn't want to be shown around.  
  
B) Jack faints and Thomas.....  
  
C) Jack spots Thomas with......uhh.......ummm, Ellen!.....A-a-and she's walking!!  
  
D) I shut up and tell the story myself. 


	3. What did Thomas do?

Thanks for the compliments...guys....i actually thought it was bad.....  
  
So, B with the most votes...  
  
----What did Thomas do?  
  
Jack turns around and sees Thomas....He faints...  
  
A/N: I'm going to use this for the thoughts...i^whatever the dude is thinking^/i  
  
i^Oh, god! No.......^/i  
  
Thomas stands above Jack and starts to laugh maniacally!!!! Oh, no! What will our hero do in this situation?.........  
  
Unknown: Apparently he'll sleep...  
  
Author: I know that!  
  
Unknown: Well, I was just pointing out! Geez!  
  
Author: But I'M the author!!!! I decide!!! Stop it, or I'll call mummy!  
  
So our brave author continues telling the story....  
  
Thomas: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! heheehe....ahem, well...my super-sleep gas has finally captured a strapping young lad!!! (A/N: Well, good for you, young chap, but get on with the story, thats a good mate!) WOOHOOO!!!  
  
Thomas jumps around, singing American Pie....  
  
Thomas: (in singing voice) And this'll be the day that I dieeee....(does dance)....And good ol' boys were drinkin' whisky and wine......  
  
Our hero starts to wake up...  
  
Jack: *yawn*  
  
A/N: Bodily noises will be produced with the asterisks....  
  
Jack: Thomas!!!!! (looks at Thomas with great admiration) You can dance to American Pie!!! (joins in)  
  
Gaaahhhhh!!!!! Our hero has fallen into the trap of dancing!!!!  
  
Thomas: *fart*  
  
Jack: Ooh!  
  
BANG  
  
Ohhhh, how horrible!!! Our hero has once again fainted!  
  
Thomas: Yeheaah! He is now fainted!  
  
Unknown: Well, he was before, why didnt ypou do anything before?  
  
Thomas: Well, I knew THAT! I was just acting happy........well, down to business...  
  
Unknown: Whatever, I'll be at Moe's--, er, I mean, uhmm......cya  
  
Thomas: Sheesh....Well, let's get you on my bed!  
  
So, Thomas heaves Jack onto his bed.....*cries*....  
  
Thomas: Geez, this guy must be heavier than...a...uhmm...well, heavier than something lighter than him!  
  
Uh-oh! Thomas is now in the bed, too.....  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Thomas: That was nice....  
  
Jack: Ooh..yeah..........yeaaaa---gyaaaaarrrghgggh!!!  
  
Thomas: What?  
  
Jack: Wha-what are you doing here? Oh, ohhh...this must be YOUR house!  
  
Thomas: Damn right it is.....  
  
Jack: Then why am I in your bed? You are too!  
  
Thomas: And your clothes?  
  
Jack: On the floor....  
  
Thomas: ;)  
  
Eeeeewww!!! Jack, run for it!  
  
Jack: I will!  
  
So, Jack gets out of bed and runs out of the door, turns right and enters the Library.  
  
Thomas: He'll be back! He left his clothes...and Mary'll fix him right......  
  
Thomas says as his staring at the library, clotheless..  
  
---Library  
  
Jack: I think I'm free from that gay raper....  
  
Mary: Oh, you......*blush*  
  
Huh! Mary sees Jack! Jack turns around and sees Mary...  
  
Jack: Oh, you seem to be taken by the handsome....!  
  
Jack says, forgetting about the clothing problem...  
  
Mary: Uhh, umm...would you like a b-book?  
  
Jack: A book? To read...oh, noo....  
  
Mary: Not to read....  
  
Mary talks even quieter..  
  
Jack: Oh, did you ask my name? It's Jack...from the BlackStar Farm...  
  
Mary: I said, not to read, Jack!  
  
Jack: I still don't get you...  
  
Mary: A BOOK TO COVER YOURSELF!!  
  
She says and points at jack, blushing...Jack screams like a little girl, his mouth open....Jack runs away back home, screaming....  
  
Mary: What a stupid but cute boy...hehe....  
  
---The farm  
  
Jack: Fiyew! That was a big st00pid thing!  
  
A dog walks along and sees Jack...  
  
Jack: What are you looking at, you devil spawn?  
  
Zack comes along...  
  
Zack: No shipment? Oh, well....and that dog is yours, better name him..something like Rover, maybe....  
  
Jack: Hey, Zack, look at what the mayor did to me!  
  
Zack: Oh, no...you....are....clotheless....  
  
Jack: He raped me!  
  
Zack: Hey, we all get done sometime if we wanna live here.....  
  
Zack reminisces his raping....  
  
Jack: Oh, GOD, why did I come here?  
  
Zack: iunno.....  
  
Zack shrugs and walks off.....Jack turns around and picks up the dog...  
  
Jack: And you will be called DevilSpawn! Yes you will!  
  
Jack babytalks the dog...  
  
Dog: i^What? I am no baby! I am a puppy!^/i  
  
Author: Nyeh, same thing...  
  
Jack goes to sleep with DS (DevilSpawn) in his house....  
  
Jack: i^wooow! a tv!^/i  
  
He goes to sleep....and wakes up at 8 o'clock next day...  
  
Jack: Hrrmmm, what shall I do?  
  
END  
  
A/N: Poll! What should Jack do?  
  
A) Work on his Farm  
  
B) Meet people in town  
  
C) Get back his clothes  
  
D) Buy a cow...  
  
E) Find Mary....................  
  
BTW, if you pick A, B or D, he wears another pair of the clothes, cos I can't be stuffed... 


	4. Jack's Day1 in Meeting people

Sorry it took so long.....but B wins.....because I can't really work much since this is an internet cafe.....see, I'm on holidays?  
  
Either way......thanks and keep on reading!  
  
---Jack's Day1 (in meeting people)  
  
6AM  
  
Cock-a-doodle-doo (who knows whose chicken it is....)  
  
Jack: Unnngghhh.....6AM? Wow......I actually woke up earl---.......zzzz  
  
How come? Why? But? Butt? Err....I mean, how come our hero is falling asleep again?  
  
9AM  
  
Jack: Unnngghhh.....9AM? Wow......I actually woke up earl---....zz.....HEY! OMG! I just had deja vu! Better collect it in my deja vu Diary!  
  
Unknown: ....  
  
As soon as our hero finishes writing his Deja Vu entry, we return to Harvest Moon!  
  
Jack exits his tiny little house with DevilSpawn....  
  
(Outside)  
  
Jack: *picks his nose*.......What shall I do today, DevilSpawn?  
  
DS: Err.....uhmmm....ah! Ruff-ruff-rufffhh-ruff-bow-wow-hong-chick-chick!*  
  
(*Rough Translation: Maybe go to village and go "bow-wow" with the chicks?!)  
  
Jack: Onkey-la-dokalie!...........But I know I'm not going to that sexy gay rapist.......errr, I mean......hot gay rapist.....nooo....not yet quite right....gay rapist? Oh, well, that dude.....  
  
DS: .....  
  
Ahem! Well, our hero has set off into the town....ready to look for people to like.....He turns to Chicken Lil's...When her remembers---- gyaaahhhaahah!!!! that that.....dfude!  
  
Jack: *girly scream* It's that dude that's like a girl! Huh? But he's wit a really hot girl.....Pinky hair though....  
  
---Scene  
  
Rick: How could you let that blahblahblahblahblahblah.......(you get the gist, cos im not gonna right the whole row down...)  
  
Popuri: Ah! Rick! Waaahhaaahahahahahhhh! *sits down and bawls for a few minutes, then runs away*  
  
---Normal  
  
Jack: That, I didn't expect.....  
  
So, our hero walks over to this dude the author calls Rick...  
  
Author: Natsume does too! And so will Rick!  
  
Oh, yeah!  
  
Author: Yeah....I'm the author..I CAN delete you from this story, Narrator..  
  
Ok....Sorry...  
  
Jack: *rolls his eyes*  
  
Ahem, well our hero walks over to Rick.  
  
---Scene  
  
Jack: j0, d|_|d3.....d00 j00 5p34K l33t?  
  
(For people who don't Understand ((I almost couldnt)): Yo, dude....do you speak Leet?)  
  
Rick: Hey, you must be Jack, from the BlackStar Farm. You heard us didn't you?....  
  
Jack: Well, hey, now, I wasn't eavesdroppi-  
  
Rick: You see, my sister, Popuri, she forgot to close the gate to the coop and a wild dog killed one of our chickens...  
  
Jack: Oh, how sad for you, dude......he-HEY! You haven't listened to a word I've said have yo-?  
  
Rick: Um, you wouldn't mind getting her would you? She's probably in the mountains behind our house...  
  
Jack: Why, j00!  
  
Rick: I would get her myself, but then we'd just start fighting again.....Could you?  
  
Jack: Bleketjevaharetaby!!@!!1 Gyaaarrararaa! *starts attacking Rick*  
  
Rick: *blows up*  
  
Unknown (from Flowerbud): Hey! Wow, I can't believe you exploded Pretendo-Rick!  
  
Pretendo-Rick: Sorry. Ricck! D-D-Don't cry for ma-wwhhhaayyy.....  
  
Real Rick: JERK!!!!! Why?!?!?!?? WHY Pretendo-Rick!??? j00! j00 |\/|u5+ g3+ P0puR1!!!  
  
(You, you must get popuri)  
  
Jack: Okay, chill, dude....  
  
Rick: Okey......You've been here a day, ya should know that Hot Springs, she's probably dere!  
  
Jack: K4y, d00d3....  
  
Rick: j0!  
  
---Normal  
  
So, our hero has made a new ally, AND is going to the Hot Springs...  
  
Jack: *skips to Hot Springs*  
  
---Scene  
  
Jack: Wicked....*walks up to Popuri* (i)^She may be a crybaby, but a hot one....^(/i)  
  
Popuri: Wahhaaahhh!  
  
Jack: Hey, kid, what's wrong?  
  
Popuri: Don't call me "kid"......But...anyway...you see....wwaaaahhaaa!  
  
. . .  
  
Popuri: You see, one of our chickens died....and and...Rick just says it's all MY fault! He says to forget about (Chicken)..........(I forgot the name and what she says, but, hey!)  
  
Choice pops up...  
  
Popuri.  
  
My sympathies  
  
It's okay (or whatever the choice is)......  
  
*  
  
Jack: Uhmmmm...*scratches head* I'll choose...........My Sympathies....  
  
Unknown2: And welcome to the Which Choice Show...Our contestant has picked "My Sympathies"....Will it be the right answer? Hahaha..We'll find out after the break!  
  
Audience: Yayyy!!! Wooohhooo!!!  
  
Audience2: Love ya, Jack!  
  
Audience3: Yeah, baby!...That's my baby everyone...!!!  
  
Jack: Aww, Mom, jeez...  
  
Host (whisper): See now, if you get me Pop's digits, I'll give ya a quarter!  
  
Jack: *grin*....  
  
---  
  
Well, all, done for now......guess ya gotta wait for the next chapter! SUSPENSE!  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I bet youre sitting in front of ya computers, chewing Lucky Charms, the HorseShoe, thinking, "But when I press Sympathies, I know what happens..."  
  
Well, ya never seen MY Fanfics! BLUAEAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!  
  
'Til next time...  
  
P.S. If ya want sneakpeeks.....My addy is hidden here..  
  
ToDay's cAt's aRe not always cute Kittens, _ they Are bad anImals that hunt! BiRds and such...probably already killed (29)!   
  
@HOTMAIL.COM  
  
They are all the capitals....No sp mistakes! 


	5. Narrator's leave

Yay! New chappy!.....I'm gonna dance and prance and ---.......okay...I'm not really feeling high today....so.....  
  
---Narrator's Departure  
  
Host: And now we're back with Jack and his friends in Mineral Village....Let me remind you that Jack has picked My Sympathies....  
  
---Scene  
  
-A-choppa-choppa-chop!-  
  
Whaa? It seems there is a chopper around here...  
  
Jack: Wicked..  
  
Gyaaahhh!! A monkey in a ninja costume jumps down!  
  
More jump down....  
  
Monkey1: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! You give me a Banana and I give you.............  
  
DAN DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (drum roll)  
  
Monkey1: Some....  
  
Other monkeys: FLOWERS!!!  
  
Jack: Aaaawww, that's so nice!.....*smiles*  
  
Monkey1: Of DOOM!!!  
  
Other monkeys: DOOM!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Jack: *scream*  
  
Oh, no! The bad monkeys have scared our Jack back home!! Hey, wha?  
  
Popuri: *pays Monkey1* Thanks....  
  
Monkey1: No prob....You are our Monkey Queen!  
  
Popuri: *smokes* Hrmm....He's cute though...*takes some pills*......*is suddenly happy*  
  
Some Monkey: Ooohh....Whatever she's on, I want some!  
  
Popuri: ACK! Yuck, suh-moke!!!! *throws up*.......Oh, you monkeyses are soo pweetty! I'll go picks somes daisies!!! *runs off*  
  
Unknown: ...I didn't know she was on something *points in Popuri's direction*  
  
Some Monkey: *shrugs*  
  
Monkeys: *disappear*.........  
  
Well......I guess our hero is afraid of monkeys...........  
  
Jack: Just tell all the evil dudes that wanna kill, thanks Narrator!  
  
Well............*feels guilty*............Anyway, then........  
  
---BlackStar Farm  
  
Jack walks into his cabin...  
  
DS: j0!  
  
Jack: j0, DS!.............He-hey! You can speak.....!  
  
DS: 0|-|, j00 n07|(3D!  
  
(Oh, you noticed!)  
  
DS: I guess I'll not speak l33t then............Well.......you see, I went out and bought a comp. and learnt english!  
  
Jack: K00lies!........But where did you get your money?  
  
DS: *feels guilty*  
  
Oh, now you're just making EVERYONE feel guilty! How typical!  
  
Author: *look of hatred*  
  
Oh, it's fine....I don't care! Get the weekend guy, coz I'm not working!  
  
Author: Oh, now you're stealing gags off the Simpsons! Just like Unknown!  
  
Unknown: j0, don't pull me in here!  
  
Author: FINE! You both just go! You're both FIRED!!!!  
  
Unknown&Narrator: You can't fire us! WE QUIT!!!  
  
Author: FINE! SEE IF I CARE!!!  
  
Unknown&Narrator: You DO!!! *both leave*  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Tech. Diff's Guy: Uh, we are experiencing some technical difficulties here, if you would please mind, turn off your comp. screen now!  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Author: TD Guy! Did you tell the audience to turn their screens off? Coz if you did they won't be able to read our FF! *walks into a chair* (Ow!)  
  
TD Guy: Uhmm....yes? Ma'm?  
  
Author: You're fired, Avery! *gets up*  
  
Avery: Yes, ma'm....*leaves*  
  
Author to you: You see? I just lost 3 employees!.......Geez, these people I work with......*shakes head*.........  
  
Author: I guess I'm gonna have to find another Narrator.........  
  
(dude walks by)  
  
Author: You, dude, what's your name, and can you narrate?  
  
Dude: Smith, John Smith.........and, yes, yes I can narrate....  
  
Author: I like you're ass, you're hired!  
  
John: *looks at his butt* I'm the Naha-rrator!  
  
And John, er, my profile is this.........  
  
Name: John Smith  
  
Age: ???  
  
Gender: M  
  
Type: Stick-Figure......  
  
Author.......now get on with it!.......Time's almost up!  
  
---Harvest Moon  
  
DS: Let's just say....."Press Start, Jack"  
  
Jack: Uhmm, Okay....*presses start*  
  
Wow...Ahem, it seems like it shows this....  
  
BlackStar Farm  
  
Jack __________......................Gold -10000  
  
DS -_________  
  
..............................Chicken 0.................Cow 0  
  
..............................Sheep 0....................Chicken Feed  
  
..............................Dead Animals 0........Cow/Sheep Feed  
  
-  
  
-  
  
And our brave hero looks at the money, -10000.....Hajah-waaaaaaaaahhh?  
  
Jack: Hajah-waaaaaaaaaaahhh?  
  
Author: Don't start a fight, John........  
  
He has realised it is MINUS!!! Jack is OWING 10000G!!!  
  
Jack: DS! You bad dog!  
  
DS: I know, I just couldn't help it........I KNOW 10500G is alot, but I bought Counter-Strike, too! A-And Rune...!  
  
Jack: I don't know......you're gonna have to start working back for the money.....  
  
DS: But it's a Penti4 with I dunno how many Megs.......Uhmm, cable, too!  
  
Jack: Where did you get the phone line, I don't have a phone.......  
  
DS: Uhmm......the.....Inn?  
  
Jack: Oh, they are going to be furious!.........  
  
DS:........Uuuhhhh..  
  
Jack: They know? How did they react?  
  
Ann: Guh-reat!  
  
Jack: Oh, lucky!....Gayaahhhaaayyy?  
  
Ann: Oh, you silly!  
  
---  
  
END for now........! My mum is gonna pick me up! 


End file.
